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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "Be a Clown" from season one, which aired on September 16, 1992. It is divided into major dialogue sections for better comprehension.

MAYOR HILL'S SECURITY SPEECH


  • Hamilton Hill: Ever since my election, I promised the people that I'd build a safe, affordable place to live. Gotham Tower is that place. Your safety has always been my prime concern. And under my leadership, no city will be safer or more free of crime than Gotham Cit--

A CAR COMES CRASHING THE CEREMONY AND DESTROYS A METALLIC STRUCTURE. TWO CRIMINALS COME OUT OF THE CAR AND BATMAN APPEARS

  • Thug #1: Batman!
  • Batman: (throwing the thugs into a trash container) Gabage collection is normally on monday, but in your case... I'm making an exception! (Batman leaves as the press comes to him)
  • Summer Gleeson: Batman, wait! -- (notices Mayor Hill coming from the rubble and goes to him) Regarding safety in the city, sir...you were saying?
  • Hill: Well--I-I...W-What just happened was an isolated incident! There are just a few rotten apples giving an otherwise peaceful community a bad name.
  • Summer (On TV): Do you include Batman in those rotten apples, Mayor?
  • Hill (On TV): Absolutely. He and criminals like the Joker are cut from the same cloth.
  • Joker: What?! Compare me to Batman!? I've got more style! More brains! I'm certainly a better dresser.
  • Hill (On TV): Furthermore, I intend to run every one of these costumed freaks out of town; and make all of Gotham City as safe as my own mansion.
  • Joker: Oh, really? Well, we'll just see how safe your mansion is, you badly bonehead...
----


JORDAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AND JEKKO THE CLOWN


  • Hill: Get a move on, Franklin, it's almost time for the party!
  • Franklin: Yes, sir.
  • Hilll: Some very important people will be here and I don't want anything to go wrong! By the way, have you seen my son?

AT JORDAN'S ROOM

  • Jordan Hill: Ladies and gentlemen! I will now perform my famous disappearing wand trick. Abracadabra
  • Hill: Jordan! Stop fooling with those stupid magic tricks! Your party is starting!
  • Jordan: They're not stupid and it's your party!
  • Hill: Nonsense. I've invited some children.
  • Jordan: (disgusted) Yeah, your friends' kids. I don't even know any of them.
  • Hill: (putting his foot down) I'm not going to argue with you young man! I'll expect you downstairs in five minutes.

THE GUESTS START TO ARRIVE

  • Hill: Hello! Glad you could come! - Senator Finch what a pleasant surprise! (talks to the cameraman) Did you get a good shot of me with the senator?
  • Cameraman: Yes, sir.
  • Hill: Excellent. Smile, Jordan. They'll think you're having a bad time!
  • Jordan: (jealous) No kidding...
  • Hill: Well, cheer up. I've got a surprise coming, (checks his watch) which should be here by now. -- Councilman Frye! And this must be Timmy.
  • Timmy Frye: (gives the present to Jordan) Happy Birthday, where's the food?
  • "Jekko": Did someone say food? - I'm the guy with the goodies! -- Mayor Hill, I presume. Jekko! Jekko the magnifissssscent.
  • Hill: Pleased to--aauughhh!
  • "Jekko": (Shows the joy buzzer on his hand to Jordan) Always get the party a charge! - It's SHOWTIME!
  • Jordan: Alright!
  • "Jekko": Thank you! Thank you!
  • Jordan: Where'd you learn that, Jekko?
  • "Jekko": From the great Proscuitto! Now there was a ham!
  • Jordan: How can I get to be a great magician like you?
  • "Jekko": Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away! Step two: find a magician with a great act and step three: steal it!

BRUCE WAYNE ARRIVES AT THE PARTY

  • Bruce: (carrying a heavy present) That--that--that's okay...I think I've got it.
  • Hill: Bruce! Bruce Wayne! How good of you to come! Jordan will be so happy to see you.
  • Bruce: I know the sooner I give him this, the happier I'll be.

AT "JEKKO'S" SHOW

  • Jordan: Could you show us more? Please, Jekko?
  • "Jekko": Sure, birthday boy! I'm saving the best for last...
  • Hill: (interrupts Jekko's magic show) Jordan, I've got more guests for you to meet.
  • Jordan: But dad, Jekko was just going to show us a trick!
  • Hill: Sorry, but mister Wayne is waiting and--
  • Jordan: (becomes angry) I don't care about mister Wayne.
  • Hill: Hush. You'll do what I say! Now, come on!
  • Jordan: (refuses to listen and becomes fed up) It's always what you want! You! You! YOU!...(Jordan runs away)
  • Hill: Hehehe, kids. (notices that the cameraman filmed the scene) Turn that off! (Hill leaves)
  • "Jekko": Oohh. Too bad for birthday boy. This last trick is pure dynamite! (Pulls a dynamite disguised as a candle) TA-DAA!
  • Timmy Frye: What is it?
  • "Jekko": It's a birthday candle, Einstein! (sotto) Except this one blows you out. HaHa Hehe. Now, scoop you kids. Show's over. Go find some goodies! This gig's for the grown-ups hahaha.... (turns on the candle) It's time for Jordan to make his wish; (sotto) and mine too...
  • Lady #1: Oh, my! A sparkler candle!
  • "Jekko": Keep watching and I'll...get the birthday brat!

AT THE HOUSE ENTRANCE

  • Hill: (surprised) I don't know where Jordan could have gone. He was dying to see you. Heh heh! You know kids!
  • Bruce: Not really.
  • "Jekko": So long, Mayor! Gotta go! But I left off with a bang! HAHAHAHAHA!
  • Bruce: (suspicious) That laugh...
  • Hill: Good riddance, Jekko. As I was saying...(turns to Bruce but he is gone) hey!
  • Bruce: (Notices the dynamite near the pool and moves through the crowd to reach it) Excuse me...excuse me..I--I'm sorry...pardon me...coming through, coming through...out of my way please, excuse me!....sorry! pardon me! wooops! (knocks the birthday cake to the pool and the dynamite explodes in the water)
  • Joker: (leaving the place) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
----


JORDAN'S ESCAPE AND JOKER'S HIDEOUT


MOMENTS LATER THE POLICE ARRIVE

  • Hill: I want answers! Nobody makes a fool of me! Especially in my own home!
  • Bruce: At least no one was hurt.
  • Commissioner Gordon: Mister Mayor. This is the real Jekko the clown! We found him tied up down the road.
  • Jekko: Some maniac jumped me! Stole my wagon and my costume!
  • Bruce: Mayor, where's Jordan?

JORDAN IS ON JOKER'S STOLEN CAN, GOING TO THE MADMAN'S HIDEOUT

  • Joker: (Arriving at his hideout) Hahahahahaha! T.N.T. with your cake, sir? Hahaha Oh, I crack myself up!
  • Jordan: (Comes down of the van) Wow!
  • Summer (On TV): ...denies reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party. Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wire.
  • Joker: Yeah, right! Hahahaha.
  • Summer (On TV): The mayor declined however to confirm that his son, Jordan, is missing.
  • Joker: Missing?
  • Jordan: It's me Jekko. I ran away.
  • Jekko: You did WHAT?!?!??
  • Jordan: I wanna be a magician. Like you!
  • Joker: Well, kid. You got step one right! Come on in! I've been thinking about a protege!

AT THE MAYOR'S HOUSE, THE POLICE AND BRUCE WATCH THE RECORDING OF THE PARTY

  • Gordon: Sure could be the Joker.
  • Hill: (saddened with grief) If only I've been paying more attention, he wouldn't have run away.
  • Bruce: Take it easy, Mayor. I'm sure the police will find Jordan.
  • Hill: I tell you Wayne; things have got to be different, if only he'd come back. (Hill leaves)
----


THE AMUSEMENT PARK


  • Jordan: ...but, isn't swallowing a sword dangerous?
  • Joker: Watch! (Joker swallows a sword)
  • Jordan: Hey! How'd you do it?
  • Joker: Easy, kid! It's a trick sword. Now you! Try it...
  • Jordan: (worried) Uh-uh. You could get cut!
  • Joker: He hey! If it wasn't risky, I wouldn't enjoy it! HAHAHAHHAAH (Intruder alarm is activated)
  • Jordan: What's that?
  • Joker: Security, my boy! You can't be too careful in this part of town. (Notices Batman on a security camera) Well, if it ain't the caped coconut.
  • Jordan: My dad says Batman is no good.
  • Joker: Well, then I guess your dad is not a total idiot! What do you say we play a little joke on Batman? You can be my assistant! Come on, this'll be a ....

BATMAN IS LOOKING AROUND THE ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK

  • Jordan: Come on! Come on! It's...
  • Joker: (whispers from behind) Jekko, the jokester!
  • Jordan: Jekko, the jokester!
  • Batman: Jordan! (After a short chase) This isn't a game, Jordan. Where's Jekko?
  • Joker: (throwing blade cards at Batman) HAHAHAHA Take a card, Batso! Take all the cards!
  • Batman: Now, it's my deal!
  • Joker: Not so fast! A good magician always keeps an ace up his sleeve. This one always' flawsome.

BATMAN IS KNOCKED BY GAS

  • Jordan: Oh my gosh!
  • Joker: We bagged a big one this time! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Jordan: He isn't hurt, is he?
  • Joker: Hurt? oh, heavens!! You wound me to the quick! The enemy merely slumbers! No doubt dreaming of more foul deeds to render upon the fair citizens of Gotham! But his fate is not for us to decide. (Activates the fortune teller machine and picks up a card) HAHA; you're gonna love this....hahhahahhaahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
----


THE WATER TANK TRAP AND BATTLE AT THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE


  • Joker: Wake up, Batman! You're on! (Batman is trapped on a water tank, upside down, with a straightjacket and the tank is filling with water) For your viewing pleasure we present: the infamous water tank trap. The great Houdini survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?!??
  • Jordan: I don't like this, Jekko.
  • Joker: Quiet kid, it's a free ticket.

BATMAN FREES HIMSELF FROM THE STRAIGHTJACKET

  • Jordan: He did it! He got free!
  • Joker: They don't make straightjackets like they used to. I should know.
  • Jordan: (Watching Batman struggle) He can't get out! What's the trick?
  • Joker: That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK!
  • Jordan: No! He'll drown! (Tries to break the tank with an axe, but Joker retrieves it)
  • Joker: That's why they call it a finale! Now, sit down and enjoy the show! -- Hey! Come back! -- Naughty, naughty! You're making me miss the show!

BATMAN BREAKS OUT OF THE WATER TANK TRAP

  • Batman: Alright, Joker. Get ready for a little Bat-Magic.

JOKER KEEPS LOOKING FOR JORDAN

  • Joker: Oh, Jordan! Come out, come out, wherever you are! (The lights turn on) What? (Joker sees Jordan on the rollercoaster) Gotcha!
  • Jordan: No!
  • Joker: Come here, you little-- (notices Batman approaching) On second thought...

JOKER GETS IN THE ROLLERCOASTER AND STARTS THE RIDE. BATMAN FOLLOWS THEM ON ANOTHER WAGON

  • Joker: I love a rollercoaster! Too bad you missed the train! -- Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride! HEHEHEHE! You win the prize, Batman! (throws a doll bomb at Batman) Catch the cutie! -- Wiiii! -- Butterfingers, cupie-doopie-bomb-a-pui. - You just don't like to play with dolls, do ya?! - That must have been his stop!
  • Batman: On the contrary, Joker; this is where you get off!

BATMAN AND JOKER START FIGHTING ON THE ROLLERCOASTER

  • Joker: Smell the roses, Batman! (Sprays venom but Batman dodges and Batman kicks him off the wagon to the river) UUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
  • Batman: He always knew how to make an exit.

THE WAGON APPROACHES A FALL

  • Jordan: Oh my gosh!
  • Batman: Jordan! Reach for me! You have to trust me! NOW!
  • Jordan: (After being saved by Batman) Can we go home now?

BACK AT MAYOR HILL'S MANSION

  • Jordan: Dad! Daddy!
  • Hill: Jo..Jordan! Ah! You're back! -- My boy is back!
  • Jordan: I'm so sorry for running away.
  • Hill: Please, forgive me for the party---ah..we can talk later. Right now, I wanna give you the biggest birthday hug you ever got.
----
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