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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "Eternal Youth" from season one, which aired on September 23, 1992. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.

EVIL

  • Mrs. Thomas: No! -- You can't do this! I've seen what you've done to the others! Please let me go! I'll pay anything!
  • Poison Ivy: You've done enough damage with your money.
  • Mrs. Thomas: You wicked, evil--
  • Poison Ivy: Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand year old forest for a strip mine! That's evil! -- You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt! And I'm going to see that you pay it.

RICH MAN'S WORLD

  • Bruce Wayne: I don't care how much money we'll lose, I won't have Wayne Enterprises involved in an operation that destroys a rainforest! Shut it down or you're gone! - One of my greedy directors made a deal with a slash-and-burn outfit in the Amazon.
  • Alfred Pennyworth: It's fortunate you caught it in time!
  • Bruce: I hate it when things slip by me.
  • Alfred: And with me helping you to answer your mail, nothing will. (Opens a letter) Ah, it says here you've just won ten million dollars.
  • Bruce: That's nice.
  • Alfred: You also received a tape from some enterprise called "Eternal Youth". Shall I have a look?
  • Bruce: Be my guest!

THE TAPE STARTS PLAYING

  • Violet: Hello, Mr. Wayne. I'm Violet.
  • Lily: And I'm Lily.
  • Violet: And we'd like to invite you
  • Lily: To a free weekend at
  • Violet and Lily: The Eternal Youth Spa!
  • Alfred: Oh my, they even speak in unison! (Someone Knocks the door and Alfred opens) Maggie!
  • Maggie Page: Hello, love. Care to join me for a morning jog?
  • Alfred: As much as I'd love to, Master Bruce insists I review this tape.
  • Maggie: Eternal Youth! Sound intriguing! Hello, Bruce!
  • Bruce: Morning, Maggie.
  • Lily: Our founder, Dr. Daphne Demeter has created a medical program that actually reverses the aging process.
  • Maggie: My, my, my... My precious!
  • Bruce: Everyone's got a gimmick.
  • Lily: You'll enjoy a weekend of sumptuous mineal baths.
  • Violet: Specially prepared meals!
  • Lily: And invigorating nature hikes!
  • Violet: And in two days, you'll look
  • Lily: And feel
  • Lily and Violet: Years younger!
  • Violet: It's the pefrect weekend
  • Lily: For the hurried, stressed-out executive.
  • Maggie: You might wanna try this, Bruce. With your late nights and all.
  • Bruce: My weekends are shot, Maggie, but if you and Alfred would like to go in my place...
  • Alfred: uh--- Thank you sir, but we couldn't possibly accept it. It's much too generous.
  • Bruce: I thought they said it was free!
  • Maggie: They did! Oh, Alfie, don't be an old foggie! A little fresh air could do us both some good. And you have been promising to take me somewhere!
  • Alfred: I'm afraid it's quite out of the question! (Alfred is forced to go with Maggie) I've been Shanghaied.
  • Maggie: Oh, hush.
  • Alfred: (Maggie starts speeding on their way) OOHH, MAGGIE!

ETERNAL YOUTH

  • Lily: May I help you?
  • Maggie: Hello. I'm Miss Page and this is Mr. Pennyworth. We'll be filling in for Mr. Wayne.
  • Lily: Our target is a no-show.
  • Violet: What should we do?
  • Ivy: Let them in. Somebody's got to pay for the sins of Wayne Enterprises. (Moments later, after changing of outfit) Good morning. I am your director, Dr. Demeter and I welcome you to our wonderful program of organic rejuvenation.
  • Maggie: (as Alfred tries to kill a fly) Would you put that thing down and relax!?
  • "Dr. Demeter": After years of research in my lab, I have developed this enzyme, Demetrite, the secret of eternal youth.
  • Maggie: Doesn't she look wonderful?
  • Alfred: Not a day over ninety.
  • "Dr. Demeter": Here you'll find Demetrite in the food, the water even the air you breathe at night.
  • Alfred: (sotto) What a relaxing thought.
  • "Dr. Demeter"': I assure you, the enzyme is thoroughly non-toxic and conpletely bio-degradble. And once you see those wrinkles melt away, you'll want to saturate every cell with it. To eternal youth!
  • Everyone: To eternal youth.
  • Alfred: Hmm, quite refresing actually.
  • Maggie: You should taste these. Delicious!
  • Alfred: Now, this is the kind of wilderness experience that I would enjoy!

INVESTIGATION AND DOWNFALL

  • Commissioner Gordon: It's a real brain-buster, my friend. No ransom note, no goodbye note, no nothing! And she's not the only vanishing industrialist. Three more were reported this week.
  • Batman: I'll search her penthouse.
  • Gordon: Good luck. We put that place under a microscope, and all we got was eyestrain. Maybe your bat-radar can-- (Gordon realizes he's been talking alone) Pft-- Never mind...

BATMAN SEARCHES MRS. THOMAS' HOUSE AND FINDS THE ETERNAL YOUTH TAPE

  • Violet: Hello, Mrs. Thomas. I'm Violet.
  • Lily: And I'm Lily.
  • Violet: And we'd like to invite you
  • Lily: To a free weekend at
  • Violet and Lily: The Eternal Youth Spa!

  • Alfred: Yes, Master Bruce, I did ask about that lady, as you requested. It seems she left by herself two weekends ago. Though why anyone would want to leave this place is beyond me! (chuckles)
  • Bruce: Alfred, are you ok?
  • Alfred: Never better, sir. Everywhere I turn, I see another sign of nature's... (he sees Maggie, who waves at him from a green mud bath) ...uh, beauty. I assure you, when I return, I'll be feeling like a new man.

  • Alfred: You know, Maggie, I never realize how dreary this place actually looks.
  • Maggie: Specially after where we've been.
  • Alfred: Ah, well. Thanks for a splendid weekend.

(Gives Maggie a long kiss on the cheek before leaving. Maggie blushes)

  • Maggie: You are feeling younger, aren't you?

  • Batman: (Enters the Batcave, filled with plants) What the--?
  • Alfred: Good to see you, sir!
  • Batman: You too, Alfred. What's with the jungle?
  • Alfred: I thought this drab old cave could use a little colour. How does it look?
  • Batman: (pauses) Green.
  • Alfred: Yes, so lovely. -- I fear all this decorating is giving me a dreadful thirst.
  • Batman: What's that?
  • Alfred: Special Spa Water, sir. With a drop or two of Dr. Demeter's formula. Wonderful stuff this Demetrite. - Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help it. (Alfred immediately faints)
  • Batman: Alfred!

  • Alfred: Really, sir, it was only a case of overexertion. My weekend must have been more tiring than I realized.
  • Bruce: Well, you get some rest. I need to check on something.

  • Maggie: Alfie!
  • Alfred: Maggie! How strange to see you. I've just been thinking about-
  • Maggie: Going back to the Spa?
  • Alfred: How did you know?
  • Maggie: That's all I've been thinking about since I got home.

  • Batman: Computer log.- Continuing: The active ingredient in the Demetrite formula is a chlorophil-based enzyme. Analyzis indicates that it does affect human celular membranes. I am now combining equal amounts of the enzyme to human plasma. - What the...! -- Alfred!? Alfred! Alfred!! ALFRED!!

  • Alfred: I don't know why doctor, but we felt absolutely compelled to come back.
  • Maggie: We couldn't keep ourselves away!
  • "Dr. Demeter": Already your bodies have been primed for the true value of my treatment. The ultimate rejuvenation. The promise of life everlasting.
  • Alfred: I say, what is this? - Run, Maggie!

GROVE OF CRIME

  • Ivy: You go after the wrong people, Batman.
  • Batman: Poison Ivy. Only you would identify yourself with Demeter, the Greek goddess of plants.
  • Violet: Hey, a high school graduate. - Don't even think about it.
  • Batman: Unusual trees.
  • Ivy: Sub tropica brasilias. As rare as winter roses, Batman. - I tapped their zap for my growth enzyme, which you see here, in its purified, most concentrated form. The secret of eternal youth. But you haven't seen my most intriguing trees. Actually, Batman, you and I are surprisingly alike. We both strive to see evil-doers punished. But while you have your gallery of rogues, I have my grove.

IVY UNCOVERS HER GALLERY OF TREE PEOPLE, FROZEN IN WOOD

  • Batman: This can't be!
  • Poison Ivy: This dog of a dogwood leveled enough trees to shade a small state. And weep not for this willow. She slaughtered an ancient forest to produce cardboard—CARDBOARD! - Of course, I still owe Bruce Wayne for his involvement with that slash and burn outfit, but for now, I'm content to settle for his friends. - Right now, the bark is merely exoskeleton. It would take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood.
  • Batman: (Through gritted teeth) And the convictions of a fanatic!
  • Ivy: Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies. - This spray is triple-strength, Batman. I will start the transformation without any preliminaries. - He should be sprouting leaves by now.
  • Batman: You made your secret too accesible, Ivy. I coated my outfit with an herbicidal antidote.
  • Ivy: Keep spraying!
  • Ivy: And I thought you believed in justice!
  • Batman: Justice, yes. But not the vengeance of an eco-terrorist. You're as destructive as those you punish.
  • Ivy: Look what you made me do to my poor defenseless tree! -- The enzyme! NOO!

AFTERMATH

  • Maggie: Alfrie, do you realize that this is the second place we've been together in as many weeks? This relationship is branching out!
  • Alfred: Please, Maggie, after our encounter with "Joan of Bark", the last thing I want to be reminded of is trees.
  • Bruce: Hey! Good news! I just heard that all of Poison Ivy's victims are expected to recover!
  • Maggie: Bruce...please. The plant. Must you?
  • Bruce: Oh... Maybe I'd better leave this outside.
  • Maggie: Nice man, but sometimes not too bright.

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