Batman:The Animated Series Wiki

This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "Harley and Ivy" from season one, which aired on January 18, 1993. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.


  • Joker: Ah, the wind in my hair and the Batman at my heels! It's the kind of night that makes you glad to be alive! Right, Harley girl?
  • Harley Quinn: S-s-sure thing, Mr. J.!
  • Joker: Quick, turn here!
  • Harley: But boss, that's...
  • Joker: I said turn!
  • Harley: Yes, sir!
  • Joker: Why didn't you tell me someone put a hill there?
  • Harley: I tried, but--
  • Joker: Never mind, just hand me the gun. Come on! C'mon!
  • Harley: Here!
  • Joker: Hey, Batsy! This is where I leave you flat! - You ........ fool!
  • Harley: You didn't say which gun!
  • Joker: Let's go! Let's go!
  • Harley: Hey, if he want the car that bad, he can have it!
  • Batman: Next time, clown.


  • Joker: No, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun!
  • Harley: But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag!
  • Joker: Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? In fact, when have you ever contributed a worth while I did to this gang?
  • Harley: Well, I-I did get us away from Batman...
  • Joker: Uh, huzzah!! The kid gets lucky and she wants a medal! Maybe I should just let you run the gang! Maybe you're a better crook than the rest of us put together!
  • Harley: Maybe. -- ...not. -- Fine! I'll show you! You'll be sorry! I'll pull a big heist and I'll be laughing at you, ha ha! Ya hear? Laughing! - I miss him already.


  • Harley: Piece of cake. Ooh, Mr. J. will just plotz when I give him...! No. I'm keeping it for myself... maybe. -- The heck with it! -- Nice work, Butterfingers! Why didn't you just turn on the Bat-signal while you were at it?
  • Poison Ivy: I wasn't trying to get caught!
  • Harley: Coulda fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady? Poison Oaky?
  • Ivy: Ivy! Poison Ivy!
  • Harley: Sorry! Harley Quinn! Pleased to meet ya!
  • Ivy: This is not a good time to get acquainted!
  • Renée Montoya: Freeze!
  • Ivy: Any ideas?
  • Harley: What ya got in the bottles?
  • Ivy: Plant toxins from the museum lab.
  • Harley: Good enough! - Heads up!
  • Montoya: Stop in the name of the law
  • Ivy: Not tonight, baby! - Get in the car!
  • Harley: What car? - Oh, that car.
  • Ivy: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


  • Harley: I hate shots! I hate shots!
  • Ivy: Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am. And you won't last ten minutes here in toxic acres, without my antidote!
  • Harley: Oooh- You'd think that after living with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain.
  • Ivy: Why do you put up with that clown?
  • Harley: Don't get me wrong, my puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me... weally.
  • Ivy: Sure he does. You're just one big forgiving doormat, aren't you?
  • Harley: I am not a doormat... am I?
  • Ivy: If you had a middle name, it would be "Welcome". But cheer up, kid. You just need some lesson is good old female self steem. In other words, let's play with the boys on our terms...


  • Chairman: And now gentlemen if there is no new business, I propose we adjourn to--
  • Ivy: A moment, please, Mr. Chairman.
  • Men: A woman? - Here? - Outrageous!
  • Chairman: See here young lady, is this some kind of joke?
  • Ivy: The joke, my dear Chairman, is this obsolete, sexist mockery you call a men's club. Now I ask you, what kind of adventurers refuse to admit women? Still, if it's exitement you boys crave...
  • Men: Hey, what is this? - Let go! - Stop!
  • Ivy:IVY: That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls. . . Loot your trophy room!
  • Harley: Gee, Red, you got style.
  • Ivy: This is truth!


  • Harley: What ya make? What ya make?
  • Ivy: Steam .... and beat juice! Um yum!
  • Harley: Gee, green... my favorite color. - No offense Red, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing...
  • Ivy: Will you stop! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep!
  • Harley: Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he miss me too.


  • Joker: Harley! This place is going to blinky blue blazes. Anybody seen my socks? Harley! - They snorted me! What's going on Roc? The place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?
  • Rocco: You ..... her, Boss. Remember?
  • Joker: So? She's always come back before.
  • Rocco: Gee... I-I guess you ain't seen the papers then.
  • Joker: Papers? What are you babbling about? - AAAAAHHH!


  • Montoya: Que Mala suerte!
  • Harley: I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J.
  • Ivy: "Mr. J" - "Mr. J" Oh, change the record Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?
  • Boy #1: Well! Hel-loooo!
  • Boy #2: I think I'm in love!
  • Boy #3: A-oog-ah! A-oog-ah!
  • Boy #1: Arooo!
  • Ivy: Excuse me, boys, didn't your mommies tell you that's not the nice way to get a lady's attention?
  • Boy 1: Oh, and what are you gonna do? Spank us?
  • Harley: That's right, pigs! And here's the paddle!
  • Ivy: There may be hope for you yet!


  • Alfred Pennyworth: Choosing a weekend date, sir?
  • Batman: This is one sister-act that's hard to follow, Alfred. The only clue I have is the soil analysis from the tire tracks. Hmm. Contains the same compounds you'd find at a toxic waste dump.
  • Alfred: Then may I suggest an accessory this evening?


  • Joker: What?
  • Harleen: M-m-Mr. J?
  • Joker: Harley?
  • Harleen: Hi, puddin. You still angry with me?
  • Joker: Honey, baby, pumpkin pie! You know I can't hold a grudge! Where are you?
  • Harleen: With a friend. Look, I can't talk, but I wanted to let you know I'm okay. Oops, gotta go. I talk to you soon.
  • Joker: Sooner than you think.
  • Ivy: What's up?
  • Harleen: W-wrong number...
  • Batman: Evening, ladies. Playtime's over.
  • Ivy: Land-a-goshen, Harleen! This gentleman's come-a-courtin'!
  • Harleen: Looks like he's got us!
  • Ivy: Looks like! - Poor Batman, all dressed up...
  • Harleen: ... and no place to go.
  • Harleen and Ivy: YES!


  • Ivy: Here we have the typical male aggressor. Fittingly imprisoned within the bonds of female domestic slavery.
  • Harley: And frankly folks, he's never looked better.
  • Ivy: Admit it, darling. You didn't think two women were capable of bringing you down.
  • Batman: Man or woman, a sick mind is capable of anything.
  • Ivy: A very enlightened statement, Batman. We'll carve it on your headstone.
  • Harley: Aloha, sucker! - Hey, did you leave the lights on?
  • Joker: My, haven't you been the busy little bees...
  • Harley: Puddin'?
  • Joker: You were out, so we just made ourselves at home! Hope you don't mind.
  • Harley: You found me!
  • Ivy: So much for self-steem. I hope you realize we're on a toxic waste dump? I'd say you've got ten minutes to clear out before the fumes do you in.
  • Rocco: She's right boss! I'm feeling kinda-- sick!
  • Joker: Hold it in, Rocco! I'm only staying long enough to collect what's mine.
  • Harley: Hey!
  • Joker: Uh, look at the goodies!
  • Ivy: That's ours, you louse!
  • Joker: Oh, Pammy, I wouldn't leave you empty handed. Since you like flowers so much.
  • Harley: Oh, Puddin, no!
  • Joker: You can have mine!
  • Harley: Oh... Red!
  • Ivy: It doesn't work on me.
  • Joker: Get 'em! -- Oh, Batsy!
  • Batman: Stop shooting, you lunatic! We're sitting on a powder keg!
  • Joker: Whoops. Dopey me.
  • Ivy: No man can take us prisoner!
  • Montoya: All right, ladies... Raise 'em.


  • Joker: That's it. Next time I start a gang, no women. Do you hear me? NO WOMEN!
  • Harley: I think we can still work it out, don't you?