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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "I've Got Batman in My Basement" from season one, which aired on September 30, 1992. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.

THE HEIST

  • Jay: Hehehe! A piece of cake, just like the boss said.
  • Raven: Yeah, all it took was five minutes!
  • Batman: And that'll get you five years. With good behavior. (Suddenly Scrap attacks. The thugs escape and Batman finds something) Birdseed?

YOUNG DETECTIVES

  • Sherman Grant: Yo, Roberta! It's got a walkie-talkie wristband, a penlight, binoculars... even this cool badge!
  • Frank: Yo, Sherwood! What'cha got there?
  • Sherman. It's a junior detective kit. And the name's Sherman.
  • Nick: A fake, just like you, wormwood!
  • Frank: (Takes the binoculars and starts watching at the sky) Whoa! Check this out! A hawk!
  • Sherman: Come on, Frank! Those are mine! Come on, give it back!
  • Roberta: Can't you find any of your own species to play with?!
  • Nick: Ah, don't p... a fi.... We're just kidding around!
  • Sherman: Hey! That's no hawk. Judging by its wingspread, the shape of his head; I's obviously a giant South American vulture.
  • Nick: He! A vulture? In Gotham City?
  • Frank: Sure thing, Sherlock!
  • Sherman: Come on, Roberta.
  • Roberta: Sherman, where are we going?
  • Sherman: A vulture in Gotham City is a mystery worth checking out!

ENTER PENGUIN

  • Sherman: Come on, Roberta! He went in there!
  • Roberta: Sherman, the sign says it's condemned! You shouldn't go in! -- Men.
  • Jay: I don't like it.
  • Raven: .... a s.... and dummy up, Jay. If the boss said to meet him back here...we meet him here.
  • Jay: What's that?
  • Raven: It's just birdseed, birdbrain!
  • Roberta: Come on, let's get out of here!
  • Sherman: The Penguin!
  • Penguin: Ah, Scrap, my faithful pet. Ready for a ripe r....
  • Jay: Ugh... Boss, he gives me the willies.
  • Penguin: If it weren't for Scrap, you two would be feathering your nest at Stonegate Penitentiary! Now, where is it? (Jay takes out the egg jewel) Oh how much more doth beauty beauteous seem by this sweet egg, which we have scrambled for?
  • Sherman: He stole the Vonalster Fabergé Egg
  • Roberta: The what?
  • Sherman: Don't you read the papers?
  • Roberta: Do the comics count?
  • Sherman: That thing is worth a fortune! We gotta tell someone!
  • Penguin: Batman! - Get that caped crusader!
  • Sherman: Batman!
  • Batman: Get out! Now!

BATMAN KICKS THE DOOR OPEN

  • Sherman: Y-- Yes, sir!
  • Penguin: You should've taken your own advice!
  • Sherman: Batman's in trouble! Come on!
  • Roberta: I don't know about this!
  • Penguin: Get those delinquents! Stop them!

WILD RIDE

  • Sherman: Quick, inside!
  • Roberta: Sherman, do something!
  • Sherman: We gotta get out of here! What am I doing? I'm not old enough to drive! I can't reach the pedals!
  • Roberta: I can!
  • Sherman: Push that long one! -- Hit it again! -- OK, Roberta, floor it!
  • Penguin: Be-fowled by a couple of fledglings!
  • Sherman: Keep it going, Roberta! I think I'm starting to get the hang of this!

IN THE BASEMENT

  • Sherman: Come on, Batman. This'll help. It's OK. My name is Sherman and I'm a detective too! We're lying low in my basement. We gotta get you out of here too. See, this is my crime lab! It's not exactly the batcave.
  • Batman: ...c-capsule...
  • Roberta: Cap- what?
  • Sherman: No, you're not captured, Batman. You're safe here. It's just mom and me. And she's at work. (Roberta clears her throat) Oh yeah, and Roberta's here. She's cool.
  • Batman: ...no... visor...
  • Sherman: I wonder what that means?
  • Roberta: Don't look at me! I've had enough mystery for one day! I'm calling the police.
  • Sherman: No way! A detective always has to protect the identity of his client. Specially when it's this client!

PENGUIN ON THE LOOKOUT

  • Penguin: Those meddling brats couldn't have gotten too far.
  • Jay: But Boss, what about the batman?
  • Penguin: Batman's a worm! Less than nothing! A worthless peasant! Besides, they gas will keep him n... and ... for a good week.

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

  • Mrs. Grant: Sherman! What are you doing down there?
  • Sherman: Nothing, Mom!
  • Mrs. Grant: You're not trying to make gun powder again, are you?
  • Sherman: No, Mom! Honest!
  • Roberta: We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant. And now, we're protecting him from some bad criminals.
  • Mrs. Grant: That's good. Just don't make a mess.
  • Sherman: Nice going, miss big mouth.
  • Roberta: Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked.
  • Mrs. Grant: I'm going to the store, Sherman! Stay out of trouble!
  • Sherman: Sure thing, mom!
  • Frank: Afternoon, Mrs. Grant.
  • Nick: Lovely day, isn't it?
  • Frank: He's up! He shoots! It looks good!
  • Sherman: Oh no!
  • Nick: Man, oh, man! Scope out these wheels!
  • Sherman: You guys better leave that alone!
  • Frank: Oh, golly, we sure are scared, ain't we Nicholas?
  • Nick: Oh, yes Francis, we certainly are! Step aside, Sheryl! Who...whose car is this?
  • Sherman: It's my mom... my uncle's. Alright, look. It's the batmobile!
  • Frank: Yeah, right!
  • Nick: Hey, I don't think he's kidding!
  • Frank: What's this?
  • Nick: Some kind of capsules!
  • Sherman: Capsule? -- Capsule on the visor! That's what he meant! Gimme that! It's a matter of life or death!

PENGUIN STRIKES

  • Sherman: (Scrap attacks him) No! (Goes back to the basement) Come on Batman, wake up!
  • Frank: It's him!
  • Nick: Totally awesome! I wonder who he really is...
  • Sherman: No! Get back! This isn't a game, you jerks! If the vulture is here, that means the Penguin'll be right on his tail!
  • Frank and Nick: The Penguin!?
  • Nick: Oh, no, what's that? Oh, great, it's him!
  • Roberta: That's it, I'm calling 911! - It's dead.
  • Raven: So much for a phone call, eh boss?
  • Sherman: It is them or us! - Be careful with that egg, Roberta. I bet we can find something here to help us! (take the Utility Belt)
  • Jay: I don't think anyone's home.
  • Raven: Yeah, the place's locked up tight.
  • Penguin: Stone walls do not a prison make, nor locked doors a barricade. Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, after you.
  • Sherman: OK, get ready for operation foul play!
  • Penguin: Ohh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin!
  • Jay: Hey Raven, you oka -- aaahh!!
  • Penguin: These commoners have such cheap furniture!
  • Frank: Come on Batman, snap out of it!
  • Nick: If that didn't awake him, I don't know what will!
  • Sherman: CHARGE! Now Roberta! (They capture the Penguin) Nice shot! Be careful, Roberta, you don't wanna get too close. We did it!
  • Penguin: Children defending their nest! How noble! How endearing! How ineffective! Grab the little pests!

BASEMENT BATTLE

  • Sherman He's not awake yet?
  • Nick: Frank though he saw his eye blink!
  • Penguin: Valiant effort, but I win! Now back away you Ur.... imps! Aahh! A treat with my egg! Sliced ham!
  • Sherman: No!
  • Penguin: Farewell, Bat-vermin!
  • Roberta: Batman!!
  • Batman Back off, Penguin!
  • Penguin: Gentlemen! Your timing is impeccable. Take no prisoners! (Batman defeats Jay and Raven) I'll clip your wings, you flying rodent! - Still a little dazed, are we?
  • Nick: (After Penguin is defeated) We're safe!
  • Mrs. Grant: My house! SHERMAN!
  • Sherman: Maybe you're safe.
  • Mrs. Grant: Young man, you have some serious explaining to do!
  • Sherman: Uh, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman this is my Mom. (Gasps when she sees Batman)
  • Batman: Ma'am.
  • Mrs. Grant: Uh, Hello.
  • Sherman: Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you?

SOME TIME LATER

  • Sherman: Now, where was I?
  • Frank: Someone keep swiping Mr. Vanducci's newspaper.
  • Sherman: Right! You and Nick are set up for surveillance! Roberta and I will be over at Mrs. Fi... Her dog is missing.
  • Nick: You're the boss!
  • Nick and Frank: Sherman.

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