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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "Joker's Wild" from season one, which aired on November 19, 1992. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.

ASYLUM BREAKOUT

  • TV Lady: Be sure the bulbs are placed far enough apart for proper root growth and remember to give the seedlings plenty of sunlight. Add just enough water; then-
  • Poison Ivy: Hey! I was watching that!
  • Joker: And now you're watching this!
  • TV Man: Next, a dog drinks milk out of his owner's mouth.
  • Poison Ivy: Change it back!
  • Joker: Oh, no, no, no. Don't want to.
  • Poison Ivy: GUARD!
  • Guard: What's the problem?
  • Joker: Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the Plant Lady's gone wackers again.
  • Ivy: He started it! I was just sitting here!
  • Joker: That's right! You're always blaming me! And the children wonder why we fight.
  • Ivy: Crazy.
  • Joker: I know you are, but what am I?
  • Guard: Okay. Okay. You'll watch this quietly or you'll go back to your cells.
  • Joker: Ya-vol!
  • Ivy: I don't care.
  • Joker: You hold my hand, and I'll slug you. Ha!
  • Ivy: GUARD!
  • Joker: Just kidding, just kidding! Yeesh, Pammy, lighten up!
  • Summer Gleeson: This is Summer Gleeson live at Gotham Palace Eight's Borderwalk, where it's opening day of billionaire Cameron Kaiser's latest showplace resort. Total price tag for this fancy cris-mecca nearly 3 hundred million dollars.
  • Cameron Kaiser: It's true, Summer. I set out to create the most opulent gambling resort in the world. After all, what's a few million here and there as long as my guests are happy.
  • Summer: Gotham's elite have turned out in style for the opening. Bruce Wayne, perhaps you can give us a hint about the top secret theme of Mr. Kaiser's new casino.
  • Bruce Wayne: Looks like we'll find out together, Summer.
  • Kaiser: Ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over. I officially welcome you, one and all... to Joker's Wild!
  • Joker: Say, what?
  • Summer: (Mumbling) Ugh, that is disgusting!
  • Cameraman: (Wispering) Psst, Summer! We're on the air!
  • Summer: Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne?
  • Bruce: No comment.
  • Summer: Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws?
  • Kaiser: Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a passing resembles to some criminal fruitcake.
  • Joker: (Growls) How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on my image?!
  • Ivy: Now who should lighten up?
  • Joker: Don't get cute with me, Red! He's ripping me off! I'll protest... Yeah, I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out... And I will, too.
  • Guard: Take it easy.
  • Joker: Uugh... I feel dizzy... sick... everything's spinning... uuuuggghhhh need a doctor...
  • Ivy: Oh, Joker.... thanks for the smile!
  • Guard: Hang on. I'll get Dr. Bartholomew.
  • Joker: Yes. Hurry. Please. - Hehehehe - Sucker! - What a maroon!
  • Guard: I know you are, but what am I?
  • Orderly #1: The Joker!
  • Joker: Exit stage left; laughing all the way. - Excuse me!
  • Orderly #2: Get 'im!
  • Joker: Step right up and play everybody's favorite game "What's the Joker got in the pail?" Maybe a deadly poison, or maybe just something to make the floor nice and slippery. - I always did know how to make an exit! Ta-da! -- Don't try this at home, kids! - Peek-a-boo! Sorry, no riders. Now to treat Mister Cameron Kaiser to a real blowout opening!

JOKER'S WILD

  • Alfred Pennyworth: I didn't mind driving down here at a moment's notice with your equipment and I was happy to dream of a plausible alibi for your date, but stay at this horrid place? Pushes even my tolerance!
  • Bruce: Mine too. But I'm convinced it wasn't Kaiser's original goal to make a Joker themed casino. See?
  • Alfred: But why the deception?
  • Bruce: That's what I intend to find out.

AT KAISER'S OFFICE

  • Batman: Camelot. - Looks like Kaiser broke the bank on this place. - What an interesting hobby you got, Cameron.
  • Irving: Hey, you! - Where are you? Come out and fight!

AT THE CASINO

  • Joker: Jumpin' Jiminy Christmas! It's an homage to me! I'm kind of sorry I have to blow it up.
  • Joker croupier: The one in open table six. We got players waiting.
  • Joker: Then again, all work and no play... Good evening, folks! The game is blackjack. Joker's rules of course! Woo! Blackjack already! Lucky me.
  • People: Hey! - What? - Hold on!
  • Joker: Don't be sore losers. We're here to have fun.
  • Guard: Mr. Kaiser. That dealer is doing something screwy. I'm calling security.
  • Kaiser: No. Wait.
  • Joker: Ooh, mercy me. Another blackjack! One might think I have and ace up my sleeve.
  • Kaiser: Let him deal.
  • Guard: Yes, sir. You're the boss.
  • Joker: Try your luck, friend?
  • Bruce: Why not?
  • Joker: Say, don't I know you... Sure! Bruce Wayne! So this is how your family made all those billions. Heh heh heh!
  • Bruce: The secret's out. And you are...?
  • Joker: Just a nameless clown, shuffling my life away!
  • Bruce: Too bad it has to be in such gruesome surroundings.
  • Joker: Eh? - Don't care for the decor?
  • Bruce: Not hardly. All those horrible faces grinning at me. That would do things to my mind after awhile.
  • Joker: (mumbling) Who says you have one?
  • Bruce: Yeah, I'd be ready for the laughing academy if I had to stare at that ugly clown all day.
  • Joker: (grumbling): Why I ought to--
  • Bruce: Hit me.
  • Joker: Twenty!
  • Bruce: Oh! Lucky me! Twenty one! How nice. A little something for the Wayne charity fund. Good night. -- He's here.

TRUTH

  • Batman: You!
  • People: Batman! - It's Batman! - I don't believe it! - It is Batman!
  • Joker: Whoops! Time to cash out! -- Here's where I get off! - Not bad for a starter. But the real fireworks are still to come. - Whoops, coming through! Hot stuff! One side, please! - I wouldn't take odds on this place lasting the night.
  • Pilot: Helipad.
  • Kaiser: I want my personal copter ready for take off in 20 minutes.
  • Pilot: Yes, sir, Mr. Kaiser.
  • Batman: Going somewhere?
  • Kaiser: First you trash my penthouse, then my casino. You gonna wreck something else?
  • Batman: If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted this place destroyed.
  • Kaiser: After spending three hundred million to build it? That's not good business my friend!
  • Batman: I've seen the unpaid bills. Building this casino has bankrupted you. That's why you turned it into a target for the Joker. Once he destroys it, you'll collect the insurance money.
  • Kaiser: You hit the jackpot, Batman., but I have too much at stake to be stopped now.
  • Irving: Ah, you again.
  • Thug #1: What do we do with him boss?
  • Kaiser: Send him down to his friend.

GAMBLING WITH THE DEVIL

  • Joker: Kinda slow on the reflexes, eh, Batsy? That car crash must've taken more out of you than I thought! - Wakey-wakey! Thought you'd like to be conscious for your own demise. I really put some effort into this one! Once I spin the wheel, you, the casino, and that strutting fool Kaiser will all be blown sky-high. Not bad, eh?
  • Batman You won't get Kaiser. He's been playing you for a patsy.
  • Joker: Eh?
  • Batman: He's counting on you to blow this place up so he can collect the insurance. By the time you get clear, Kaiser will be miles away, laughing at you.
  • Joker: I hate it when you make sense! - I'll settle my score with Kaiser, man to clown, but that still doesn't let you off the hook. - How about that, Bats? Looks like your number's up!

AT THE HELIPAD

  • Kaiser: Get me out of here, now!
  • Joker: (Disguised as the pilot) Yes, sir.
  • Batman: What happened?
  • Pilot: Some clown jumped me and took my copter. Mr. Kaiser's up there!
  • Kaiser: What are you circling for, you fool!
  • Joker: It was a scheme worthy of me, Kaiser. The way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place.
  • Kaiser: You... you were supposed to destroy the casino!
  • Joker: Yeah, but then I realized it would be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself.
  • Kaiser: But, but you can't!
  • Joker: Oh, please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! - Why can't he ever stay dead?! -- HA! Gotcha! Yes! - That's it, chew him up and spit him out!
  • Kaiser: Stop! You'll kill us all!

BACK AT THE MADHOUSE

  • Summer: And so it ended for both ex-billionaire Cameron Kaiser and the Joker.
  • Joker: Bah! Enough of this rubbish!
  • Ivy, Crane and Tetch: Hey! We were watching that!
  • Summer: ...and was returned to Arkham.
  • Joker: Ah, you bunch of no-good, whacked-out losers, ya make me sick.

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