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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "The Cape and Cowl Conspiracy" from season one, which aired on October 14, 1992. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.

THE INTERROGATOR

  • McWhirter: (Reading Instructions) "Where tracks and golf balls roll and wind... round colored banners of all kind... here, new instructions you will find."
  • Wormwood, the Interrogator: You've come to the right place, Mr. McWhirter. You won't be able to find me. Just follow the sound of my voice.
  • McWhirter: Who the devil are you?
  • Wormwood: Well; for a diplomatic courier, you're not very diplomatic, are you?
  • McWhirter: If you're my contact, what's the counter sign?
  • Wormwood: Patience, patience. All your questions will be answered, dear boy if you'd simply follow the r... lights.
  • McWhirter: Okay, I'm here. Now what?
  • Wormwood: Now then, about that collection of bearer bonds you're supposed to transport; if you'll just tell me where I can find them, you might get out of here alive.
  • McWhirter: Alright! Alright! I'll tell you?
  • Wormwood: Good call. Now hurry up! I hate it when people talk with their mouth full. Hahaha.

INVESTIGATION

  • Commissioner Gordon: All we know is this. Last night the International Relief Consortium was supposed to receive a delivery from one of their couriers. This guy. Name's McWhirter. He's lucky to be alive. He was supposed to pick up and deliver a donation. A diplomatic pouch containing $750.000 in bearer bonds, .... marked for humanitarian aid...
  • Batman: ...to starving refugees in Eastern Europe. Yeah, I know.
  • Gordon: Only McWhirter never showed up. Somebody else got the bonds before he did. And now they're missing.
  • Batman: The same someone that lured him into that quicksand trap you mentioned? You know who that sound like, don't you? Wormwood. The Interrogator.
  • Gordon: The guy who specializes in using death traps to pry information out of his victims? Terrific. Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. Well, I guess if anyone can pin something on him and make it stick, you can.
  • Batman: Maybe. Right now, though, we're not even sure he's in town. But I think I know which one of Wormwood's associates might be able to give me that information.
  • Gordon: Oh, yeah. I remember this clown. Nothing but a two-bit con-man. But a ......... Real smoothy. The kind that'd do anything for a free meal. Calls himself The Baron.

BATMAN, THE INTERROGATOR

  • Matron: Ladies and gentlemen, our guest speaker this evening: Baron Wacklaw Josek.
  • The Baron: Madame President, honored guests. This is a rare pleasure for me. Unacostumed as I am to being sought after-- AAHHH! - How dare you manhandle me!??!
  • Batman: I want information from you. By the way, I hope you're not afraid of heights. -- That's all you have on your friend Wormwood?
  • Baron: I've told you all I know. What more you want? Let me down!
  • Batman: Just one more thing, Baron. I suggest that for your health, you take a vacation. Somewhere far away from Gotham City.

THE BARON'S REVENGE

  • "Baron": Come in!
  • Wormwood: This better be important, Wacklaugh.
  • "Baron": It is. To me. I want the Batman's cape and cowl. And I want you to get them for me.
  • Wormwood: Hm. Humble the legendary Batman? I must admit it is an intriguing challenge, but I'm afraid I can't contain my curiosity. I must know, what do you want them for?
  • "Baron": I would be glad to tell you dear Wormwood, if you tell me how you got those bearer bonds away from the International Relief Consortium?
  • Wormwood: I don't know what you're talking about.
  • "Baron": Have it your way. In that case, I will say only that you will be very well paid to do as I request without further questions.
  • Wormwood: Alright. I'll get you the Batman's cape and cowl. That won't be difficult. He is only human, after all.

FIRST CONTACT

  • Batman: (about the Bat-signal) Got a new toy, I see.
  • Gordon: I figured it might come in handy.
  • Batman: It might get you in trouble with the mayor.
  • Gordon: Let me worry about the mayor. Here, have a look at this.
  • Batman: (Reading Instructions) "Where iron horses go to rot, and children toot their horns a lot. A damsel's pleas will come to naught."
  • Gordon: Do you know what it means?
  • Batman: Don't you?

LATER IN TRAINTOWN

  • Wormwood: Looking for someone, Batman? Sorry, you won't find me in there. However, you will find... a trap! - Now then, you have aproximately one minute to save that young woman. But how remove her from jeopardy? If you simply surrender your cape and cowl. You can push it through the little opening at the base of the engine door. 30 seconds left, Batman. 15 seconds.
  • Damsel in Distress: Help! Please! Help!
  • Wormwood: 1 second, Batman.
  • Batman: A hologram?

SRTIKE ONE

  • "Baron": Do you have the items?
  • Wormwood: Ah... no... eh-- the first apparatus
  • "Baron": The trap at the old railway exhibit?
  • Wormwood: Yes. He beat it.
  • "Baron": So there whill have to be others!
  • Wormwood: Only one. And this time, I shall put the man himself in jeopardy! I have a facility at DeLarue's Wax Museum that will serve our purposes nicely
  • "Baron": Just see that you succeed.
  • Wormrood: Oh, I will. And once you have what you want you must tell me why... ("Baron" hangs the phone) Well!

MUSEUM TRAP

  • Batman: (Reading Instructions) "Where George Washington and young Babe Ruth, stand side by side with John Wilkes Booth, Batman will find... a plan most uncouth!".
  • Gordon: Well? What do you think this one means?
  • Batman: Those famous figures standing around together? DeLarue's Wax Museum, what else?
  • Gordon: Oh… of course.

AT THE MUSEUM

  • Wormwood: Over here, Batman. That's it. Come right here. Now, if I might call your attention to the panel sliding open along the ceiling. It's uncovering a 20.000 watts halogen bulb. I don't actually know how hot 20,000 watts make a room, but I do know it melts wax... And eventually it will melt you. - Of course, you can save yourself simply by giving me your cape and cowl. After all, it looks like ..... are covered with wax! Now hurries. I'll wait. Uh, very inventive! Do you suppose it would work? - Congratulations, but don't breathe to deeply, Batman! It seems that when you shattered the lamp, you triggered the release of a toxic nerve gas from a tank in the ceiling. Now, your cape and cowl, please?
  • Batman: All right. All right! Turn off the gas. You win.
  • Wormwood: Ah, nothing like a breath of fresh air, eh, Batman? And now, your cape and cowl, please.
  • Batman: Satisfied?
  • Wormwood: Actually, no. I wonder if you'd put those down neatly over here. By the light. - A second mask? Not as confident as we'd seem, eh, are we? Keep your silly identity! This are all I require.

THE CONSPIRACY

  • Wormwood: Stop stalling, Josek. I got the goods. Have you got my certified check?
  • "Baron": I have indeed. Ah, but first, let us drink to our success!
  • Wormwood: On one condition! Will you tell me why you wanted Batman's cape and cowl? Finally?
  • "Baron": Ah, but you know my condition. You must tell me your secret. Then, I will tell you mine. What did you do with those bonds? And who commissioned their theft?
  • Wormwood: If you really want to know, an agent of the Kirian Emirates will get the bonds from a locker at Pan Europa Airways tomorrow... when I meet him there to give him this key. Now, what will you do with the cape and cowl?

JOZEK BEGINS TO RISE FROM HIS CHAIR, A BLUE AND BLACK LUMPY FORM

  • "Baron": Heh heh heh heh... I am going...

THE BLUE AND BLACK FORM BECOMES BATMAN'S SILHOUETTE

  • Batman: ...to wear them!
  • Wormwood: You're not Josek! You were playing... playing me for a fool!
  • Batman: From the day you first walked in here.
  • Wormwood: It was you I was dealing with all along!
  • Batman: Give me the key!

AFTERMATH

  • Gordon: The bugs on the room picked up the whole story on tape!
  • Batman: Thank you, Commissioner.
  • Gordon: Thank you!
  • Batman: And thank Josek for the use of the hall. If he ever returns from Europe.

AT THE PRISON

  • Gordon: When we cornered the Kirian Agent at the Airport, he sang like a bird. And he fingered you as the guy who was going to sell them the bonds. Oh, I almost forgot. This came for you.
  • Wormwood: (reading the attached note) "Confinement will speed your reform but long cold nights will be the norm so here's a thing to keep you warm."? What the-- (Wormwood opens the package and finds Batman's cape and cowl)

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