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This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne" from season one, which aired on October 29, 1992. It is divided into dialogue sections for better comprehension.
BLACKMAIL
- Snap: Hand it over, Judge Vargas.
- Judge Vargas: The doctor said a trade!
- Snap: Then let's trade!
- Vargas: We had a deal!
- Snap: Numbers! Crunch it!
- Numbers: Twenty grand sure, Snap.
- Snap: The prize just went up another hundred thou!
- Vargas: Please. I can't pay that much!
- Numbers: Nah, you'll pay. You make a mistake, you always pay.
- Batman: My sentiments exactly. -- Judge Vargas! JUDGE VARGAS! STOP!
- Vargas: Heeelp!
MOMENTS LATER THE POLICE ARRIVE
- Commissioner Gordon: Thank heavens she's not badly hurt. But they don't know when she'll regain consciousness. I've known Maria Vargas for 20 years. The best judge on the circuit! It can't be blackmail!
- Batman: There was something on that videotape she didn't want anyone to see.
- Gordon: I had dinner with her a week ago! She was just back from vacation! Looked so relaxed!
- Renée Montoya: (over the phone) Commissioner, that limo's plate is registered to the Yucca Springs Resort Corporation.
- Gordon: Yucca Springs is where Maria took a vacation! Some sort of executive relaxation program.
- Batman: That's one of Roland Daggett subsidiary companies.
- Gordon: What are you going to...?
BATMAN CLIMBS TO THE BATWING
- Batman: Do I look stressed out to you?
- Robin: You? Get out of town!
- Batman: Exactly. I think I need a vacation.
THERAPY
- Alfred Pennyworth: Now that you've enrolled in the stress management program Judge Vargs took, may I ask what your next step is, sir?
- Bruce: That's up to Dr. Hugo Strange. I think he's the same doctor Judge Vargas mentioned. My first session with him is in 15 minutes.
- Alfred: In that case, perhaps I should lay out your "evening clothes".
SESSION
- Bruce: Are you sure this will help me relax, doc?
- Hugo Strange: But of course! My radio-pathic monitoring device is infallible. It works by lowering your defenses.
- Bruce: What defenses might those be?
- Strange: The defenses we create to hide the truth from ourselves and others. For when we do this, we create stress. Is it not so?
- Bruce: Some secrets are worth keeping!
- Strange: If you feel so, there must be considerable stress in your life! So, I wish to start with your childhood, yes?
- Bruce: I don't have much to say about my childhood.
- Strange: Is this some past tragedy you do not wish to acknowledge? - Perhaps the loss of your parents? - Where they taken from you by violence?
- Bruce: What happened to my parents is no secret!
- Strange: But no one knows that you feel it was your fault. Yes?
- Bruce: I was only a child! There was nothing I could do!
- Strange: But you wanted to do something. You were filled with anger. You desired... what? A need filled you... all-consuming, all-controlling. What was it, Mr. Wayne? What was it?
- Bruce: I... wanted...
- Strange: Yes?
- Bruce: REVENGE! -- Your... relaxation therapy doesn't seem to be working too well on me, Dr. Strange.
- Strange: The first session is ofttimes traumatic. We will continue tomorrow, yes?
- Bruce: I'll have to think about it. Good day, doc.
- Strange: And good day to you... Batman.
STRANGE MACHINE
- Joker's Answering Machine: Boy, did you get a wrong number! Leave your message at the sound of the shriek.
- Man's Voice: No, please! Don't... (screams)
- Strange: I'm speaking I trust to the Joker? Your number was not easy to find! This is Doctor Hugo Strange. I am arranging an auction for an item I believe you will find most enticing...
- Alfred: Master Bruce, Dr. Strange has just left the grounds.
- Bruce: Good. This is my chance to get a closer look at his machine! I've got bad feelings about it, Alfred. (While he investigates the machine) Judge Vargas...
- Strange's recorded voice: Let us begin with your childhood.
- Judge Varags's recorded voice: I rather not, Doctor.
- Strange RV: Hiding secrets can lead to stress. What secrets are you hiding? Let me guess... you liked to play with matches? Yes?
- Vargas RV: Yes! I mean, no! No! Playing with matches... my parents told me it was wrong... I didn't mean to! It was an accident!
- Strange RV: So... you were the one responsible for the Great Gotham Dock Fire, 30 years ago! All this guilt you have carried inside you. Do you not feel better now?
- Bruce: It can see thoughts!
STRANGE ALLIES
AT THE AIRPORT
- Joker: Ah, sunshine! Clean air! Ooh, I hate it!
- Two-Face: This Dr. Strange better have a good reason for dragging us out to the middle of nowhere!
- Penguin: Have you no poetry in your soul, my dichotomous friend? There is a certain stark beauty to this environment.
- Two-Face: It's too brown. I prefer green, as in money.
- Penguin: You have a point!
- Numbers: (carrying the luggage) Hey, what's in this one?
- Joker: Why, just was the Doctor ordered!
THE VILLAINS ARRIVE
- Alfred: Good heavens! Master Bruce, you must get out immediately!
- Bruce: Almost through, Alfred. Has Strange come back?
- Alfred: It's much worse than that, sir.
- Joker: (after Numbers drops his bag) Hey, bucko! I'd be a little more careful with the luggage if I were you! Otherwise you might lose your tip! Not to mention your head!
- Numbers: Yes sir. Mr. Joker, sir.
- Joker: It's so hard to find good help these days!
- Penguin: How true, how true!
- Alfred: The Joker, Two-Face and the Penguin have just arrived! With large quantities of cash!
- Bruce: So that's it! Strange isn't planning on blackmail me. He's going to auction my tape!
- Alfred: Tape, sir?
- Bruce: I'll explain later. Keep me informed!
- Hugo Strange: You are Bruce Wayne's butler, are you not?
- Alfred: Yes.
- Strange: Most excellent! (Then he finds Bruce destroying his machine) Remove him! - It took me years to build that device! But no matter. You were perhaps looking for this? Your butler told us you would be here. It took a dose of sodium pentothal to persuade him to talk. He is quite loyal to you. You are a valuable commodity, Bruce Wayne... or should I say... Batman? Take him away!
- Alfred: Oh Master Bruce, I am so, so sorry. It is all my fault!
- Bruce: Nonsense, Alfred! Believe it or not, this is working out just as I planned.
- Alfred: How reassuring...
THE AUCTION
- Strange: First I would like to thank you for coming all this way...
- Two-Face: Get to the point!
- Strange: Very well. I have here, incontestable proof of Batman's secret identity. Now, gentlemen, how much have I bid?
- Alfred: Does Dr. Strange truly have proof of your identity, sir?
- Bruce: I'm afraid so.
- Two-Face: Five hundred thousand!
- Penguin: Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bid a million!
- Two-Face: Two million!
- Strange: I heard two million! Do I hear three?
- Joker: Hold it-hold it- Hold it!
- Two-Face: Get out of my face, clown!
- Joker: Which one?
- Penguin: Gentlemen, it behooves us not, to fight among ourselves!
- Joker: Well put, sardine breath! I think we should pool our resources on this! - Fifty one million two hundred forty thousand six hundred and eighty five dollars... and... fifty three cents!
- Strange: Sold! And now I give you Batman's secret identity! And after the show, you shall meet the star...
- Joker: Focus- Focus- FOOOCUUS!
- Strange on fake video tape: It's a perfect plan. With this machine I can imaging Batman to be anyone I choose and these fools will pay a fortune for it!
- Strange: Wait! It's not the right tape!
- Penguin: Fellow miscreants, we've been had!
- Joker: I'm going to use your head for a bowling ball, Strange!
- Two-Face: Get him!
- Hugo Strange: I should've known better than to deal with the likes of you!
FINAL CHASE
- Alfred: I spoke to Master Dick, sir, as you requested.
- Batman: Excellent Alfred! To the airport!
- Joker: Bailing out of the resort business, Hugo?
- Strange: Joker... I swear... it was the wrong tape!
- Joker: You're telling me? Come on Hugo, time to fly the unfriendly skies! - Why, Hugo. Why didn't you tell us about your fear of flying?
- Strange: Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman!
- Two-Face: That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England.
- Joker: And people say I'm crazy! Say... it is hot in here or is it just me? Harv, open that door so we can get a breeze!
- Two-Face: Good idea!
- Strange: Noooo!
- Joker: Remember, it's not the fall. It's the sudden stop! -- Man, things haven't been the same since deregulation. -- Uugh... what a rush!
- Batman: Stay where you are!
- Penguin: You may notice, my masked friend that we have the guns!
- Joker: Oh well, Arkham is nice this time of year.
SECRET KEEPER
- Commissioner Gordon: Maria told me everything when she woke up in the hospital.
- Batman: The dock fire was an accident. She had nothing to fear from the truth.
- Strange: But you do, Batman. Soon the whole world will know that you are really Bruce Wayne. You created that tape in the theater, by imagining me saying those lies! But the tape of your thoughts is the truth! I know your secret!
- "Bruce": What secret is that?
- Strange: No! It is impossible!
- Batman: Strange, I knew from the start your machine could read minds. That's why I asked Bruce Wayne to help me expose you.
- "Bruce": And I was glad to do it. Maria Vargas is a friend of mine.
- Commissioner Gordon: Let's go. You'll have lots of time to think about it in prison!
- Dick: Not bad, huh? Maybe I'll shuck this crime-fighting gig and try Hollywood. (removes disguise) I wish you weren't so tall, though. Walking in these leg extension braces is a pain!
- Alfred: Where to now, Master Bruce?
- Batman: Home, Alfred. I've had enough vacation to last me a long time.